qweerdo:

animalstalkinginallcaps:

YOU ARE HEALED. RISE AND LIVE YOUR LIFE. 

SPREAD WORD OF MY RETURN. THE RAPTURE IS FAST APPROACHING. I AM GATHERING THE FRUITS OF THE HARVEST. ALL THOSE RIGHTEOUS AND PURE OF HEART SHALL BE SNATCHED UP TO GLORY. HE THAT BELIEVETH IN ME SHALL PERISH NOT, BUT HAVE LIFE EVERLASTING IN MY FATHER’S KINGDOM.

WOE BETIDE THOSE WHO MANAGE HEDGE FUNDS. WOE UNTO THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH. THE ASSEMBLING OF THE WICKED FOR PUNISHMENT SHALL SPARE NONE WHO HAVE SPREAD HATE, NONE WHO HAVE OPPRESSED THE POOR, NONE WHO HAVE IGNORED OR PERVERTED MY TEACHINGS FOR PERSONAL GAIN.

SPREAD ALSO A COUPLE CANS OF ‘PURRFECTLY CHICKEN’ FLAVORED WHISKAS AROUND THE HOUSE ON YOUR WAY OUT. I AM SERIOUSLY ADDICTED TO THOSE THINGS THIS MONTH. THANKS A TON.

IDK who writes these. If it ‘s one person or if they’re submissions but they are consistently funny.

My dashboard is full of cats.

Tumblr you are so my boyfriend.